Let’s kick things off quick, if you take nothing else from this book, take this; if your partner starts making more enthusiastic noises, or outright tells you something feels awesome, don’t change a thing. This is a complaint for everyone but the issue is most commonly faced by women, especially when sleeping with men. So, guys, keep doing good things.
This is understandable in a way because everyone wants to pleasure their partner, so when their partner shows they like something, we can understand why someone might say to themselves “oh! Cool! I’ve found something they like, I’ll just do more of that thing, I’ll do it faster, or harder”. This is a source of constant frustration for many people, but especially women. This is why I call the idea I’m about to put forward “The Prime Directive”. If you read through my list of tricks, ideas and secrets, and start trying them out it, it is all pointless if every time your partner likes what you’re doing, you change what you’re doing. They will tell you if you should go faster, harder, or add more of something.
When your partner does tell you they really like something, try to keep doing exactly what you were doing moments before, try to not change a thing. This may be harder than it sounds for some, and easier for others; sometimes it just takes practice. The goal should be to get into the habit of essentially hearing an instruction (or at the very least, a very strong hint) to not change what you’re doing and then immediately ‘lock-in’ your movements and make them unchanging. Eventually you’ll be almost zen-like in your ability to hear an indication you’re doing something very right, then immediately remember what you were doing to get the reaction in the first place.
If you’re not able to recall what you were doing just before your partner starts letting you know things are really good, just keep doing what you can recall, or what you are aware of. The odds are good that it’s not that much different to what you were originally doing that inspired a reaction. Stopping yourself from changing and ‘locking-in’ the way you are touching your partner is also a good habit forming exercise; as you practice listening to your partner and locking-in more and more you will gradually start to become better at, and quicker at it.
When you are with your partner, try to periodically take note of precisely how you’re doing what you’re doing, take note of exactly how things feel for you. It will help you to stay more consistently aware of the things you’re doing, which makes them easier to repeat. This comes in real handy when you notice your partner enthusiastically tell you that they really like something you’re doing.
Another little known but very useful fact to keep in mind (that we explore later) is that men and women orgasm differently. If your partner is a woman, then do not stop stimulating them when they start having their orgasm. Keep going, when a woman has an orgasm, it doesn’t run on autopilot like with men; when the stimulation stops, her orgasm stops. Obviously don’t push your partner if they’re too sensitive, but remember that men and women are very different creatures in this part of sex.
